December 11th, 2012

The past week, we were talking about remarriage and divorce. Coming from a mixed family, I kinda have an idea of what it's like. We learned reasons for why those kinds of families are hard and why people (Parents and step-parents) act the way they do. We also learned how to avoid problems that come with mixed families. Some of those being: Let the biological parent do the heavy disciplining, make decisions together as husband and wife, even if those decisions regard the kids, and the step parents need to act as if they were an uncle or aunt to the kids at first. I thought some of these were interesting. the first two make sense but I'm still kind of confused about the third. Does treating the step kids like they are their nieces and nephews spoil the kids? Or just make them feel more comfortable around them? We learned in class that it takes about 2 or more years to achieve a sense of normality in the home once a step parent is introduced. I agree with that. By then, the kids kind of have an idea of who this new person is and how life will be with them in the family. In my opinion, the younger the kids are, the easier it is to adapt to a new parent. I think this is because kids that are older have a harder time accepting the new parent than younger kids, especially if the new parent is replacing a deceased parent, as was the case in my family. It's hard to realize that you have a new mom and your other mom won't be coming back to take over again. I knew that I had to either accept or reject her. It was hard for a long time, but I think we have finally come to terms with each other and it has made a world of difference in our home and in our relationship. Anyways.. That's it for now!

December 3, 2012

Hi! I know I've really been slacking these past three weeks, so I'm going to pick up that slack now!
     During the week of November 19th through the 23rd, we talked about the importance of fathers. It was crazy to me all the things that go on inside the home that depend on having an active father in the home. We wrote a research paper on fathers. In doing that research, I learned that children are highly affected by their fathers. They generally do better socially, academically, emotionally, and physically. I'd like to add in spiritually as well, though the article didn't cover any religious affiliations. It was amazing the difference that was abundantly found throughout my research:)
    The next week we talk about parenting. I am also in a parenting class so it was cool to compare the things that were being taught in both classes. I really enjoyed it in this class because we focused on teenagers and in my parenting class, we mostly focus on younger children. Teenagers are like a different species of human and it's important to recognize that they are still developing and they don't always understand the reasons for their hormones and whatnot. We also learned about how to get out of debt once you're in it. I agree with the way Marvin J. Ashton suggested in his pamphlet, to pay the same amount on things every month until the first one's paid off then you add that money you were paying on the first debt to the second debt and once that one's paid off, you add that money to the next one and so on.
    That's it for now! I will write again an the end of this week to talk about divorce and remarriage:)

November 17th

     It has been really interesting this past week in Family Relations. We have been talking about communication, and the power of using councils. With communication, I have come to realize how important different types of communication. As it turns out, more messages are sent through body language and non-verbal communication than through verbal communication. We also learned about the importance of active, empathetic, and reflective listening. When we are truly listening to each other, without distractions of any kind or impatience, it tells the speaker that they are (and what they are saying is) important. The way you can do this is to listen and to tell them back what they said to you, maybe trying to identify the feeling or concern behind it. Don't try to give advice or fix the problem, just help them to identify feelings and show love and concern for that person. I've seen this work in my relationship with my fiance. We have both tried different ways of listening to each other. Trying to fix the problem and offer suggestions just doesn't work. Generally what it comes down to is that we just need someone to listen to us and to tell each other we love each other. Listening this way really is effective and makes relationships stronger.
    
     We talked about using councils in the family. The brethren in the Quorum of the 12 Apostles always hold a council every Thursday in the temple. They do this at a certain time and a certain place to ensure that it happens. They have a specific agenda they follow and do so prayerfully. I think this can be incorporated in the family by having family councils and making sure to include the whole family in discussions and decisions. When the each opinion is considered thoroughly and prayerfully by each member of the family (as it is in the Quorum of the 12), the decision to be made is likely to be the right one. (This also goes back to the good listening skills) Once the decision is final, everyone in the group or family needs to support it and the leader of the group or family full-heartedly. If there isn't that needed support, the family or group will crumble and not be nearly as strong. I really want to incorporate this decision-making process in my future family.

November 11, 2012

     This past week in Family Relations, we have been talking about crises in the family. I was able to connect a lot to this week's topic because I have seen it in my own family, as I'm sure many have. We discussed that while going through a crisis, it is natural to look at it as a negative experience. However, after it is all said and done, we can look back and see the good that has come from it.
     In my life, we have had to make a lot of adjustments. My mom passed away from cancer when I was 11 years old. I think that while this could have destroyed and torn apart our family, it actually did the opposite. It brought us closer; formed a bond between us and our dad as we struggled to find ways to keep being happy. Not only did it bring our immediate family closer, it also brought our ward family closer. What a blessing that was.
     My dad getting remarried wasn't necessarily a crisis. But it was definitely a time for lots of readjustments. That may have seemed like a negative experience for a lot of us too, but in the long run, looking back we are able to see the many blessings the remarriage has brought into our lives. We have grown even closer again and have had our testimonies built stronger.
     In think it is a great idea to learn about things that could possibly happen in the future to make ourselves aware that life isn't always a smooth ride. There will be bumps and bruises along the way. The way we handle, interpret, and (hopefully) grow after them will be an important factor in how relationships within the family end up. I'm glad to be learning about these things while I'm preparing for marriage and a family so that I can have my eyes open to how hard (and potentially rewarding )it will be. I know that how I/we handle these crises will effect us for the rest of our lives. I pray that I will keep what I've learned in mind when they come.

October 28

This past week in Family Relations, we talked a lot about the processes of getting married and such. I really loved this topic! We discussed things like disagreements during the first month of marriage, (ex. why the wife has all her stuff all over the bathroom, leaving the toilet seat up, where the medicine goes, the bathroom or the kitchen, etc.) We discussed planning the wedding and important things to think about while doing that like including the future husband in the plans. We talked about what problems would occur when children become part of the family and how family roles would change and shift. As I learned about these specific topics, I wanted to introduce them to my fiance so every night we talked about what I had learned and incorporated them into our relationship. I really like that I am going through most of these things while I'm learning so Nate and I can talk about them and make important decisions based on our new-found knowledge. I think it was important for us to decide things about our marriage. Especially things like the number of children we want and when to have them. This class is making me very excited to start my little future family!:)

October 20th

This week we discussed dating, falling in love, and preparation for marriage. Because I am engaged, it was a particularly interesting topic for me.. haha:) This week really helped me to look back on mine and my fiance's courtship to see if we did everything the right way. In class we talked about this scale (I forget what it's called) that describes different aspects of a couple's relationship. You have to know a person more than you trust them, you have to trust them more than you rely on them, you have to rely on them more than you commit to them and your commitment level needs to be higher than your physical level. If any of those are off in any way, it could cause problems in the relationship. I think Nate, my fiance, and I did a pretty good job of following those guidelines while we were dating and whatnot.
On Friday, we read a chapter in our book that explained cohabitation, and what males and females look for in a partner. It's interesting that males are more inclined to like someone initially if they are attracted to them. (Love at first sight, if you will). Whereas women are able to be more physically attracted to someone once they get to know the guy. This doesn't mean girls don't believe in said "love at first sight", but men are more likely to.

October 12, 2012

     This week in Family Relations, we have been talking about gender roles and how they affect the family. Today's emphasis was on same-sex attractions. It was kind of an intense discussion as we explored the reasons for people being homosexual. Some of the things we discussed that might influence these tendencies are the relationships with father and son and mother and son. Generally, if the father finds out his son is having these tendencies, he will try to get the son to do more manly things. This may start at a young age. The mother of this son might be overwhelmingly involved in the son's life. Another factor that might influence homosexuality would be exposure to people telling them they are gay or hinting towards it. Putting those thoughts in that child's head could make them believe that they are true and there isn't any way of getting out of it. Other homosexuals likely have experienced molestation or pornography. These things are what end up sexualizing the person and bringing out those hormones. When that person reacts to those stipulations, they may think, "I guess this means I'm gay..."
     These theories aren't all going to be true for every homosexual person. But they may be a big influential factor. The thing I think is important to realize if you think your son is behaving in a feminine way or your daughter is behaving more masculine, is it may not be true. Assuming it is could be detrimental to your child. Putting that idea in their heads is what may or may not start it. We must remember that it is not a bad thing for boys to display more feminine qualities. If you think about the Savior, He displayed a lot of these qualities: nurturing, caring, being sensitive, showing emotions, etc. He is the best example of masculinity. If you are a father struggling with a son that you think may be gay, try to strengthen the relationship you have with him instead of trying to change his behavior and tendencies. The latter will push your son away and be more likely to do the opposite of what you want him to do.
   Please feel free to comment!:)

October 6th, 2012

This week in Family Relations, we focused mainly on social classes and how they effect the family. We saw both positive and negative effects on families for each class. Extremely lower class families either really struggled with having good relationships with each other, or were really close and worked together well in order to survive. They thrive on those family relationships to keep them together. On the other hand, higher class families' relationships don't thrive on their relationships for survival. But they can either use their money to gain better relationships with each other or use it for selfish reasons.

September 26

Today in Family Relations, we talked about how it's important for the husband and wife to have a good relationship and then to focus on relationships with their kids. If the parents don't have a strong relationship, the kids will notice and there will be a very tense environment. It's important for the whole family to have good communication with each other so that if any problems ever arise, everyone will be on the same page. "Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible - the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family. "
Virginia Satir

My Family is Eternal:)

Welcoming Elder Webb home!

September 14th

Some Questions!
Important: As I prepare to get married, what specific things do I need to know in order to be a good wife and mother? I want to be able to have a good relationship with both my kids and my husband.
Intriguing: Am I going to be able to nurture and love my children as much as Heavenly Father does for me? I want to be a good mother.
Beautiful: What will it be like to be sealed in the temple for time and all eternity?

September 12, 2012

Hi! My name is Alyssa! I am doing generals at BYU-Idaho and I am taking a Family Relations class. For this class, I am to keep a blog so that's what I will be updating every week with insights about family and the sorts! Please feel free to comment:) Thanks!